results

CL2280	Basic Translation	B+
LSM4211	Toxicology	B-
LSM4212	Pharmacogenetics and Drug Responses	C+
LSM4232	Advanced Cell Biology	B

CAP: 3.78

damn sian abt e idiotic C+ on e results slip. but it was expected. i do nt know y e hell toxico was so badly done. most likely shd be i did badly for e finals... cos i feel that e 4 gp reports we did were quite alright. anyway, really kena toxic by e mod le. advanced cell bio was a bit more surprising.. after knowing tt i was ranked in e last 10 of e class after e test and presentation, i was expecting the worst. so, B is still nt bad. and the best of all is translation. haha. though it was worrying me at first, i mean, look at it, we are competing with all those PRCs whose command of chinese is so much better than us. but yay! I'm happy with B+. at least e effort i put in was nt wasted. and i really enjoyed e mod. :) i think it was e only mod that i liked this sem though e translation hmk was sometimes quite a pain.

happy cos it wasnt as bad as i expected overall. and it's only a drop of 0.05. only? who am i lying to? sad cos... aiya.. i also hoped for miracles, also had high expectations. and after i heard my fren got A for both her cores, i even more sian liao.

with my hay-wired hormones, results, fyp and e serious lack of slp, i'm seriously on e verge on breakdown. physically and emotionally. could feel e onset of fever jus beneath, but i know i wont fall sick cos my body wont let me do so, until i reached e end. was tearing on e bus home.. it's jus everything tt keeps on bombarding me. everyday, i do some expts, let my boss see e results, and den he'll ask me to a few bunch of stuff- new expts, repeats etc.. and before i could even start on wat he told me to do, e next day when i showed him another set of results.. i gt another new set of stuff. wa.. i plan till i goin crazy le. i'm goin thru e protocols almost during every moment when i'm alone. and i even dream abt it. it's crazy. but that's e only way.. cos it's thru all these tt i will remind myself abt e steps where i must take extra care.

i dun wan this kind of life. looking at e way it's going, seems like i'm gonna spend christmas eve, christmas, new year eve, new year in lab. which i bloody hell dun wan to. i dun wan to leave home when everyone is still asleep, and come back when everyone is abt to go to bed everyday. damn. tt's not wat i want. i swear it'll nv happen once i grad. this is sucking my life dry. and so i'll try make sure somehow or another, i spend e minimal amt of time in lab during e hol season. i wan go out. i think everyone's afraid to ask me out now. haiz.

i always know that e hard work i put in, double or triple tt of others, will nv get me to where e elites go. but to see reality kicking right into ur face day after day. u start to wonder how far being hardworking can take you? how long can i last in this condition?

五彩缤纷的汤圆 ：）

K-i-n-g

went sing k with lab ppl right after they knocked off today. jus the 3 of us. we went to e one at chinatown. wanted to go to e other one at katong but one of them live in e west.. so nt very nice if we decided to go east.

it was fun. this is e first time i ever sing k. but i think i sing horribly. LOL. didnt u all feel e tremours last nite btw 7pm to 11 pm? like s'pore goin to sink le. haha. damn tired now.

belief

i believe that everything happens for a reason.

why can i only find yours but nt others?

why did ur msg came when i was thinking of you?

is it jus coincidence or fate?

yet another week

it has been another long and tiring week. esp since i've decided to extend my hrs in lab. yawns. dunno whether it was worth it or nt cos i seems to be e only honours student in e lab tt come so early and leave so late. haiz. nthing to grumble abt when u r slow, and dun produce anything.

anyway, gd thing is results on fri looks promising. and to quote from boss.. he says " it's exciting." -.-" still, i'm nt really happy cos it still requires lots of confirmation expts. and i wont keep my hopes up till e very last moment. i'm pessimistic. i dun wan to be disappointed.

going to collect e bag i've ordered tml at bugis. yay! cant wait! even though it's jus me alone. maybe doing some gifts shopping. and i need to get some socks. pink ones, and maybe orange? jus smth brightly coloured. :) and this reminds me of wat my prof says e other day at dinner. cos i had dump lots of rainbow sprinkles on my ice cream, and he said that i'm jus like a kid cos it was so colourful. oh man. it was so freaking embarrassing. didnt know wat to say den.

and i need a haircut. maybe next weekend. feels a bit nt worth e money jus to get my fringe snipped off. but i do want my hair longer. or maybe i shd jus do it myself.

and results will be out on tuesday at 9am. am so nt looking forward to it. cos i alr know i did badly. prob one of e worst sem ever. it's jus smth u know. even w/o looking.

i promise myself it will be e last. and since u didnt realise tt u were e one who made me unhappy, i guess it's best for everyone else. cos frm e beginning, it has only been me. so jus let it stay this way.

lab dinner

boss treated us to international buffet at traders hotel, orchard as part of christmas/eoy dinner jus now. food nt bad.. but his budget was quite generous. $50 per pax. we had fun. talking and everything. very full. thank you, prof!

my lab dominated by girls
post-doc, me, lab exec
they all looked as young as me
*jealous*
haha

random

it sux real bad. when i saw it, i dunno wat words to describe how i feel at e moment. wat i feel? i dun wan to know. i went thru lab on auto pilot. i hope i didnt mess up anything.

i hate you, or maybe myself even more. but who to blame but me, myself? for hopin for e impossible? for wishing even though e hard, cold truth slap at me each time.

i drown myself into another world. into a book. e crowds, e bright lights at suntec all helps somehow. being alone helps. and though i was so tempted to comfort with retail therapy, i didnt. i know i'll hate myself even more if i did that.

maybe i was too engrossed wallowing in self- pity, but i missed my goddamn freaking bus stop home. i couldnt remember such an incident happening b4. and i ended up bein pissed off with myself. i can take care of myself, but given me a choice, i wouldnt wan to walk home alone at nite with a crowd of Bangladesh hovering nearby. damn it. luckily e paths were near to e roads, so it was still reasonably lit.

and as i was crossing e carpark as i usually do, a freakingly stupid car jus have to move out of his lot. it scared e hell out of me. no headlights plus e car was black. bet e driver didnt see me cos he jus zoom out of e lot. but my heart stopped for a moment. my bad, i didnt see e car. but if i had jus walked 1 step faster, it would have hit me. for that 1 moment, i nearly couldnt get my breath.

some questions dun need answers, cos they are so obvious jus tt u cant see them.

to hell with instincts and stuff.

maybe all should stop now. today. and maybe i dun wan ever to see u again.

to me, FRIENDS should only see me when i'm happy.

this week

it has been a busy and tiring week, physically and mentally.

almost everyday wake at 6 plus, leave home at 7 plus, reach school at 9. sometimes too busy that i skip lunch, or else lunch is like super late around 2 or 3. leave sch at 7 plus. reach home around 8 or nearly 9.

so tired. dun even have e energy to write. haiz. am worried so.

had a talk with prof today abt my proj and current pathetic results. and he asked me wat i'm goin to do after i grad. i told him it depends on wat job offers i get. and he said if i decided to stay on, he will gladly welcome me. honestly speaking, i'm shocked. cos.. i haven seem to be producing anything. and i seem to be so prone to errors. and i feel that research requires a certain amt of luck. hardworking isnt everything. seriously speaking, i did consider working in some other lab. it's interestin to a certain extent but to think abt e travelling and more importantly the commitment. researchers have no life, no weekends. they have long days. one got to sacrifice a lot. is that what i really want?

oh well, still a long time to go before i decide. meanwhile, i shd really start writing smth. argh.